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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I despise women like you..

Since almost everyone I know is talking about what they hate, well, let me talk bout one thing I loathe. I can’t stand a woman thinking she can stand on her own, and I don’t mean they need me in their lives, but you cant despise men just for the fun of it. Well yes you can live on your own, but for gods sake, you cant live without a man anywhere in your life. Yes you were conceived by a man, will get married to one, and if we are so unlucky, you will be a mother of one also.

For now tell me why do you think what you think if your father is a fucked up drunk and shoves marshmallows up your mothers crouch. And if you were molested by your grandfather, do you think all men did the same to their children. Your friends’ father insisted to marring her to a 70+ yrld man, do you consider us all being filled with greed. Your brother made you pose nude in a photo shoot, do you think we really are all that sick. Honestly, if the men in your life were sick in the brain, PUHlease, don’t stereo type us all as one like those in your messed up family, and for gods sake, bad info spreads like a disease, or flame in a parched forest, so if people talk to you little rebel, its not cos you are smart and stylish and Waaaay cooler then the nerdy girls. No! Not at all. It’s just because you’re a small brained, fucked up mutineer. Simply that’s why!

The truth is we men in Arabia are emotional, well yes; your boyfriend was an ass because you allowed him to. But the rest of us really are normal loving people. I for one believed for very long that girls were angels till I was about 20 of age. It’s when I got my ultimate shock, women are such bad liars, and needy in a way they’d kill for what they don’t have and also are excessive abusers for those whom love them. Well I’m talking from a one time mistake, and yet again I am stereo typing. But do you see me holding red flags, throwing flyers of hatred, rumbling of how bitchs you people are or do I start burning houses down, and rape women on the streets?? No, I’m just more careful with whom I trust.

I lived all my life with my family under one roof where my mother was a saint and forgiving not only to my fathers mistakes, but even supportive when the family had its downfall. Honestly, not my father nor could we have survived without the love and supremacy my mother gave to this family. And yet, she has wrong judgments about most things, or puts me down sometimes when I’m thrilled to show her something. But I don’t rail against women cos I simply don’t like my mother. See I not like you haven’t lost hope yet in humanity… was that too hard for your little brain to understand, let me break it down for your sophisticated rebelling ass. I have not lost hope on all members of the other sex just yet; I just despise ones like you! Clear enough?

So in base, if any of you girls are feminists, for the love of civilization, please become lesbians and stop nagging on what dicks men are! We will worship you if you have self-respect left in you; even a drop of it will do fine. But other than that, don’t expect us to change your minds about us. You’re more of a lost cause. And I really hope you get extinct real soon Cos in a few years we’ll be shouting for men’s rights if you feminists keep this going on any further, but hey, its not existence threatening, we got the real dicks that work!

PS: I am not telling to shut up and shove your shit down your mouth, I’m just telling you if you have no morals, then I totally agree with every little thing you don’t consider to be wrong!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Contemplating thinking about thinking…

So basically what ticks you off is not knowing a reason for living life itself. So here I am grouching and grumping with grumbles that life is mean. Well its not all that mean, its just that I’ve lost focus or fell off track for a while there. I need to have a goal or hobby to rest for a while in that oasis where I know where I’m heading and sit down contemplating about what I’ve achieved so far, not done but achieved.

So far what's kept me from going insane was the book I was working on, yes its not master piece, but hey, I wanted to do something and I’ve done something about it. I found it my spa, my resting place when all the hectic work of the day has gotten me beat up as the day comes to retire. My achievement may not be the hobby as much as the need for closure, but nevertheless i kicked off my boots and found my self resting on a sofa while I worked. It kept a smile on my face, and no matter how bad or dark the day was, and even how silly my friends or their remarks were, I was able to absorb the revulsion in me.

So now, as my volcano starts to reside, and as closures’ been found. I need to take on something new in my life. An oasis to rest from my daily war with life, a happy place I can be my own.

So if you do have any ideas?!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Standing out

Unique, being different or special is not always a good thing. I know I don’t fit in any society easily, I know that I tend to be lost most of the time in my head. I don’t know what's right or wrong anymore, its like everything around me is crashing down, it’s crumbling like a mad set of rocks shooting from the sky.
Been said what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. And I’m not hanging my dirty laundry just yet, but here’s a taste of life in me. I love my family, and I adore my friends, I don’t know how to be friendly with any of them, though I lounge for friendliness I can’t be a good friend myself, we always end up in a fight, or at least that’s how it feels to me. The thing is, when I hear a bad thing about someone, it somehow grows into me until I myself start to believe it’s true. No matter how small or stupid it may be, it grows. Well not just that, I start blaming myself for what an idiot I’ve been believe they were good, and i lose the belief of an existing second chance. Oh and here is something that really busts my day. Those whom I love and trust the most, basically my family, when they start the family war I tend to get lost in all the commotion and not know whom should I trust nor like anymore. I know I should love them all equally but I do not agree with most of the things they say or tend to believe about one another. Even if everyone was polite, and smiles were shining everywhere, my brain actually sees a food fight going in the room. I’m sick of living with two personalities in me, I just dont know what’s real anymore. I know it sounds screwed up but The truth is, I love my family, and its not them that need mental help, its me, but it sometimes hurts to love someone that your brains or personalities just don’t seem to click.

Don’t pity me; your family is allot more screwed up than mine!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Eid Mubarak

Like every other thing in this world, Ramadhan comes to an end. So today is our last day, tomorrow is Eid. Well sure ur supposed to be excited and thrilled. You’ll be meeting all your family and friends, people you fought with will come visit and put a smile on your face again. Yes it’s the holidays that bring us out of the rush of life into a calmer state of panic. Well yeah, everyone panics when doing something, and being relaxed is really not what it is,, its actually panicking allot less then normal!

Anyhow, at home its been hectic ever since I cam back from university. Everything seemed going in a chaotic manner. But alas, my father came back last night. Haven’t seen him for some time, and if he’d been gone any longer I’d tell my mother to carry a shot gun and find who’s he cheating on her with.
Yeah I’m still not shifting into the eid spirit as you see. Something is wrong with me,, Something’s gone real wrong with me, its like I’ve lost a cylinder off my engines since summer. I used to be more joyful and allot more good with focusing with things on hand. Somehow, I’ve changed, I just hope it’s a phase, or perhaps a transmission into a new stage of life is being jammed in my head. I have to change, I really need to.

Okay so enough about me, Eid is on Sunday, any new plans? So far our plans consist of the first day, stay and greet people, second day, go to the farm and start a barbeque fiesta with some friends and family members, day number three, me and my brothers are allowed to go visit our own friends, just at night time. Well there you have it, it’s a three day eid, and we got plans. Now I jus wonder how much do we stick to schedule this time!

I really don’t know why you people read this, I’m sick in the brain, loosing focus and I will kick ass whom ever feels pity for me!

So I’m distracted, lost, with no hope of ever waking up! I just wish all you people happy holidays!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Leo's gone international

So I check my email like every other day, Umm.. nope! Its not like any other, I found a chick asking if I were a nutcase in my inbox, and guess what she's from France,, so anyways here's the mail..

She@herEmail.fr wrote:
I am a girl writting to you from France. I read the BBC site everyday and there I found the article about Saudi blogs, so I just followed the links. From what I have read on your site, I have an impression that you are a quite upset person for the moment. Why?
I haven't ever been to Saudi Arabia, I guess it has nothing to do with Dubai. I would actually like to live for some time in this city.
So now I start having doubts, could she be one of those French FBI agents that want to find a terrorist and get rewarded for pinning me into some crazy shit?
yeah whatever she's French so she must be hot!So here I grab my cool and shake the money maker...
i'm representing the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia baby!

Well hey,
Hope France is amazing around you this time of year. It's fine down here in Saudi. Well I'm glad that you stumbled across my blog, and thrilled that you followed the BBC links to find more about Saudi bloggers. Well honestly, Saudi isn't quite depressing as I may have seemed to give the impression that it is, nor am I a troubled person either. I just post what's on my mind down in the blogosphere, nothing more. and yes you are quite correct, Dubai is allot deferent than Saudi, for one, Saudi is one huge country compared to the UAE, and another thing Saudi depends on natural oil resources when Dubai UAE mostly depends on tourism and business as an economy resource.

I'm sure you will find both countries stunning differently as you come visit. I look forward to corresponding with you more.

PS: would you be kind enough to send me the links you found on BBC and followed, thank you!
okay so she might not be hot, she might not be a French pinkpanther FBI agent, she's just a normal person that wants to know what's so wrong in this country..
who cares, i'm on BBC!! well its about time, Faroha and Dotson, so as Saudi-eve beat me to it, buI hey i had faith! *winks hardly*
have a leomastic day yall.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Whats the fuck with Leo?

So here I am, and the day of my post has come, thankfully I waited this long to post. I’m allot cooler now, almost like 90% of rage is still left in me. I did write something down to post, but made a word check, I found out I used the word fuck 42 times between 453 words. So that counts for allot.

Anyways, I know I fell off the planet for a while back there, but hey, we all got reasons.

So how about I tell u a little story of Leomastic’s start of rage, but let me warn you, this doesnt concern you at all, so dont waist ur time reading…

One day almost the middle of September Leo changed his room in the dormitory. So having the artistic stoke he believes in, Leo decided to paint his room. The window wall is set to be bamboo green and the other two walls Fairouza blue. So what happened to the fourth wall you ask? Well it has a wooden door and two closets on the sides. So basically there isn’t enough space to paint on, just some touches here and there. Anyhow, that’s not the point, what I want to get to is, that a kid Leo knew kept giving cheesy comments on how crappy Leo’s taste is, how poor his painting skills are, and what a mess his room is going to look like. So Leo kinda took it personally after several repeated attempts. So finally, a week later it was ready to be lived in, Leo brought everything he could find at home and fixed up his room to stun. He admired how the room has turned from a nuthouse white walls into a honeymoon sweet.

Days passed by, and Leo got the flu, ramadhan was three days in at the time. So almost all his friends commented what crappy fasting he was doing, "ur supposed to be up and pray", Leo tried to explain, but no one listened until the little kid came back to visit Leo and wish him well. So Leo wanted to brag abit about his room with faded light from a nightstand. The kid looked all over and was like "mashAllah, it turned up to be very nice", so Leo felt that comfort within, but he couldn’t accept it till he made certain that the Leo was right and the kid wasn’t. so Leo asked again, honestly what do you think? The kid again came back and was, "well if it were my choice I wouldn’t even come close to choosing these colors!"Well, now its part Leo’s fault. He shouldn’t have pushed it, Leo should’ve bit his tong and just smiled back after the first reply! So now Leo get to feel pissed off himself, he is ill and everything seems to be a big deal. oh yeah and go the wrong direction, so here is where the true rage starts building up.

Every single day of ramadhan people were calling Leo, and Leo still couldn’t recover fully from the flu. Though he wanted to be left alone and just have a couple of bites, but everyone thought it was their job to cheer him up! WRONGE!
Anyhow, he kept quiet for an hour after fotoor till he could speak again, cos he knew he was just spit at their faces poisoned talk though they were doing good. So he just sat in silence.
Cmon, don’t be a baby,, move ur but, and lets go desert cruising” time is 1am. “No I’m still too weak,” time is 1:45am.. they left….

The next day, “MOVE IT, don’t be such a baby about it” sure fine, Leo couldn’t bare a second over the 15 minute nag! His cousin paid for Leo to return after eid. In the desert, its 2 in the am, and every five minutes his buds lose his tag, he comes back just to find out there is no real use of him being there, so he starts to wonder, “why the fuck did they nag for two whole days!” 20 more minutes to the hour, he flips over a sand hill and loses his glasses. Brings back the bike to the shop and starts looking for his glasses. Well his cousin and friend just parked the bikes up the hill and beamed down the lights at the search space! He tells them, "ur waiting is costing u money, let me search alone and when ur done help me out." Again, both of them refuse, as gesturing they are good friends of his and start going up and down the hill in order to help find them. He tells them, "don’t break the trail, I don’t want to lose the place I fell on." Still, Vroom Vroom up and down! As if they are helping find them!
He goes back to the parked car in fumed rage and its almost 3am.

Now he tried to unlock the door, but this copied key don’t seem to work, he waits, they are done and Voila, here they come. “Are you okay” his cousin asks, “fuck off, u see me walking don’t u!” of course Leo is just fumed over him braking the trail nothing more. They stop at a grocer’s, “anything?!” “No, I’m fine, just get me back to shower and will someone please pump up the volume?” now Moe is driving, and the cousin is next to him, Leo wanted to sit in the back next to the subwoofer to ship into the music. So now Moe pumps the volume, and the cousin has a question so he lowers it back down down again. Once twice, almost 13 times this happened. Leo was raging even more, “Fuck man, will you at least give me the joy of listing to something other then ur ridicules blabbers!” now they are almost at the university gates. Two minutes of music, and half an hour of meaningless talks!

Fine, a couple of days pass by and now the homework needs to be submitted, Leo is done since last week when he had the flu. So now everyone wants to copy it. even Moe, leo's good friend was like “what are you crazy?! How could you give me the flash stick without the homework?” “listen fucker! I put in the files you could use for the project, you copied my proposal and i said nothing, and now you want the exact same solution as mine?! Fuck off” so he goes like, “ I’m coming, want me to grab you anything from outside?” WTF?!!!

Though he is a good friend of Leo’s but C’mon, have some decency bro. he offered to teach you how its done, but no u wanted the whole thing ready for ur disposal. It’s the last week before the eid break, and the whole university is going crazy. Its time to evaluate ur courses, midterms and major exams, proposals drop from the sky, quizzes need to be studied for, and home works are in tow! Its mayhem! And even though Leo made it clear he doenst need any distractions, you come and force ur self?

Anyways, the next day another student was next to Leo when he handed in the homework, and wanted a copy. “fine, I’ll meet u after class”. Class is done and four more are smiling at Leo as he entered the room! “Great now the teacher wont ever believe its my work not anyone else’s!” “12 people already have my homework, what difference would four more do?” now they find the proposal done and want a piece of that cake aswell. Fine do ur own copy, they fought with Leo, as if they were too busy to make a copy, so Leo told them it’s a take it or fuck-off offer! Well, they took it and each made a copy of his own!

Depressed Leo was that Monday. He called his cousin and told him remember Azeez, well he invites you personally for fotoor tonight. “Why, where, what about his family, then food is from outside, ..” Leomastic went ballistic and told him “listen, don’t make an excuse after every question, u coming or not??.... fine when you change ur mind let me know” bang the line cuts from Leo’s side. Now he starts to excuse his reactions, Leo was just looking over his cousin, for the past three days, his younger cousin is preoccupied, well Leo is jus watching out for him, but you cant be all that picky, either yes or no! seriously what the fuck? Also, the day wasn’t going so well, Leo lost his glasses and cant use his contacts as he wakes up, so he cant see jack at class time!, sixteen people copy his homework, some even try to be funny about it and jus show up at the door step squeezing cheeks and baboo faces. And now his cousin is being bitchy about Leo’s friend that’s inviting him!

Later this same day, actually a couple hours later, Leo’s on the phone arguing with his mum with some home affaires. He’s parked in a space behind the main road covered with trees. A car comes exactly behind him and honks as if his mother were dying! So he looks back, “great, the funny guy from last night!” Leo gives them way, and still they come beside his window. Now the argument with his mum is getting intense. He signals for them to go and he’ll follow them to Azeez’s place, and then as he turns his back to them he notices that they ignore and laugh or some shit. Now Leo is dying for a cigarette, its almost time and he’s surrounded with troubles all over. The funny guy " Moe" opens the door and gets ready to wave to his friend "Goodbye i'm with Leo". Leo shoves him back out again and locks up the doors from the inside and evil eyes his friend. Now a strong knock on the window followed with a shout” HEY!” distracts Leo from his family call again. Now Leo is ready to kick the devils ass and couldn’t care less for life. “this guy annoyed me twice to go desert biking, copies my exact same project proposal, and comes in to force him self into taking the homework and now this!!!” Leo talks to himself. Now as he evil eyes him and gets ready to pump adrenaline to the inside walls of his body he remembers important stuff. “Well this guy always called to check on me if had plans for fotoor or he’d ask me to come over, not a day passed he forgot. This guy always called to check on me if I needed anything as he came back to the university, he always volunteered to help out in any problem i faced and gave me solutions, always smiles to people and salutes them no matter how small or big they are! Now why would I want to fuck him up again?! Too late i’m at his face” so Leo shouts out hot air and rides his car again. Sends out messages, "thanks for the invite but I cant make it," shuts his phone and gets ready to study for his exam tomorrow. Now its 9pm, he opens his mobile to apologize to Moe, and as he composes he receives “the exam has been canceled” good news right? WRONG AGAIN! he wants to leave this very momet to his family but too late, he already arraigned with people to leave with him on Wednesday, and a guy he’s been after for a month now still owes Leo some money! So he receives a message from Moe, telling him not to apologize, and its his fault then asks if Leo had fotoor yet!

Great, the money guy’s phone is closed, and no one is answering from his friends. Tomorrow comes and still closed phones and no answers! Fuck it, its time to leave. Around fotoor its that tuesday and yet no one asked if Leo was alive, no one called for fotoor, so his frustration kicks back in. “I don’t fucken need anyone!” now he arrives home and finds home a mess, his younger brother not giving a fuck and invites friends over for sleepover’s and some even showered under the outside garden hose! “WTF bro! cant you see ur mother and sister are locked in the house for no sane reason? Ur father didn’t die now did he?” no he didn’t, but it sure seemed like it. Leo’s house is located beside the hottest street in town, so all his little brother’s friends on dirt bikes running away from cops found cover in leo's house. ..

Here it self is a start of a new story, its enough I bothered you with this,, its just for those whom I’ve been an ass with, i hope they would understand I cant function well under stress! So don’t vote me as a doctor!
yeah i also forgot to mention the guys from the group i lead didnt show up untill i told them i would hand in a blank proposal, not blank, i would write down in LARGE red the word "blank" smacked right in the middle... it happened the same weekend i lost my glasses on!

Right, and add to that, i had no time to talk with sara, and what bugged me the most was that even i couldn’t talk with her, she didnt call me either, or atleast signal me to call.. so there you have it,, that and a little more has been spicing up my life lately…