Wars of a dead man walking

The things that defeat us from finding our way in life are growing stronger by the day. We've expected them to happen somewhere along our paths in life. Somewhere when we've got children and have our own homes to go to. We thought we were ready to face them and that we grow stronger with every breath. But the fact remains; life is in fact difficult and breaks us when we assume we're at our strongest.
Maybe we didn’t quite yet understand life like we're supposed to. Maybe its oblivion and superciliousness we reach that makes us feel invincible. Maybe we should have not reached the stage in the first place.

Truth be told; life is one big war and every day is a new battle that must be won. Its okay to fall sometimes I guess, but what really matters the most is that we learn from those battles and betrays in order to win our next fights in life. Yes the word war is a gruesome and awful way to express life. But I guess somewhere in the back of my head its how it seems to me. I wake every morning not to lose my head, or sense of time. I need that to survive, just like a combatant needs his water and guns. This is who I am. This is how I've survived all these years.

Yet still, every defeat comes in worse than it's precedence. I fall sometimes to my knees. All my dreams seem to vaporize into thin air. I sink and mellow into the goblet of my soul. And I find one happy thought that is strong enough to pick my mellowed existence and prepare myself to recoup again. sometimes I wait too long for it to come by; and eventually I can not wait too long. I'm afraid this hurt sometimes is too great for me to endure and walk on my feet again to continue this unjust life. I can not always help my shoulder solders and fuel their walks into the battle field. I too need stimulation to continue my existence and arrogate myself to triumph.