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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Kel 3am Winto Be5eer, and a happy new year

its a new day, its a new dawn, its a new life for me

Some started this year with joy and others with grief. There really isnt anyone to point or blame at, cos i beleieve its all the doings of God. Those are more of lessons we need to understand only by passing through them. A friend of my brothers had an accedent riding a bike on King Abduallh road two days ago on thuresday. He'd broke his skull and damaged his brain with a horrific fall. To this day he's in the ICU. May God have mercy on him and his family.

This taught me that i need to set things right before its too late.
So before i go one i'd like to thank god for all good this earth is filled with, and hope we dont ruin our families and lands with our own hands.
And since its new year i'd also like to start it clean. i've perpared a list of all those that might hold a grudge against me, and hope for forgivness.

To my family;
My Mother, i've ran away from chores and refused gifts and conversations of what might being pulling my mood down. mum, you are my whole universe i'm sorry.
My Father, i've refused your prizes for how well i'm doing in my studies and turned down allot of your father-to-son offerings. i beg forgivness.
My Brothers, i'm sorry i was mean sometimes when speaking with you. you're the best i could ever wish for. really you are
My Butterfly, sometimes i may seem crule, or demanding. truth is i love you more then life itself, and wouldnt know what to do without you.

To my friends;
those i've lost contact with, i'm sorry sometimes i hesitate on calling or getting back in touch
Moe999, i'm sorry i havent retuned calls, and locked myself in my room for a while. we'll go Jetski on me
TIM, i'm sorry i enjoy teasing you more then i should, i know you get bothered, but i'll work on a better me, promise
INSANITY, i'm sorry i havent asked about the cancer person of your family, hope she's well
Yasser, i sometimes lose my temper around you. i hope you dont take it too personal, i'll work on it
MAK, i dont call you to meet up cos i know i'll see you with yasser. i'll do better
Omar, i'm sorry we dont speak anymore, and that i've been pushing you into my view of life.
Sulaiman, i'm sorry we do plans without you
Sara, i'm sorry we lost touch years back, you might not know this, but i am what i am because of your friendship, thank you
Nadia, i'm sorry i didnt show up on your wedding, hope your marriage is grand
Maidya, thank you for bearing all my nags all these years. hope you drive safe
Mona, i'm sorry i spoke so bad about your brother, you've been a shoulder for so long

To people in Blog Town;
Those whom comment to my crappy life, i'm sorry i dont find time to visit yours, but i'll make sure i do visit
No heroine, sorry i dont check ur blog no more, i'll try to keep myself updated
She6anah, i'm sorry we lost touch. hope your job makes you smile
Fouf, i'm sorry i was misunderstood. you deserve better
Stylish Girl, i'm sorry i havnt commented on your blogs so long, and stopped writing poems
Sexy Cow, i'm sorry sometimes i get annyoed from you, ur an angel
Rawr, i should,ve heard both sides before i took things into hand. u gave me anew life and i shoulve known better
Sweetest Sin, i'm sorry i added myself to your problems, i hope college works out fine
Fashionesta, i dont hate you, i just dont like how you live, and i'm sorry i cant see it from your side. i hope you forgive me
Alia,i've missed your posts
UbberGIrl, i'm sorry we got on the wrong foot from the start, i'm sure you would,ve made a great friend
Wasted Chix, sorry i dont visit, i'll do soon
Bissa, i'm sorry i didnt spend more time knowing you
Kisha, i'm sorry i back talked you once, i'm sure i'm so wrong
Fedo i'm sorry i didnt make time to know you before i rested to my thoughts
ZizoTime i'm sorry i didnt take time to know you before i came to my conclusion

People On the msnger
Juju, i'm sorry we havnt spoken for a while
Chocolata, last we did is fight, hope you forgive me
T.Shal, i'm sorry i seemed like a snob, i should've been more polite

People from my heart;
Saro0a, i'm sorry things didnt work out, ur an amazing person. really you are. you're too good for me, and you deserve better. I hope i'm not on your bad side
Noura, i'm sorry for everything, i hope life treats you grand
Sade', we both knew its a short track, i'm sorry i changed your plans in life. i shouldnt have imposed

And if you dont find your name on this list, please email me me on Leomasa01@yahoo.com

Happy 3eed and a new year too,

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Okay so now this is just a quick fart of my brain… FART.. Ahhh.. Sometimes I believe inno good things and bad things sometimes come in a swallow. Ya3nee,,, as everything is running fine and smooth in your life you then find a series of stuff that just give you the crabs.. Well what I’m trying to get at, is inno for over a month now and everything seems to be clashing down around me. The thing with Sara, then her grandfather passed away after that i was misunderstood by someone, then I found out that I trusted wrong people in life, and after that I got backstabbed. The problem of misunderstanding was that somehow we lost a connection on a sane level, and now as I look into the bigger picture its like I was being used. I mean I would’ve helped, but don’t treat me like a complete idiot, u knw? The other backstabber, or unworthy of trust had a secret of mine that promised to hold on to so tight, but later on in life, I started to remember why I always kept friends away from intimate stuff in me. Well all that and more gave me the feel that I’m lost, distracted, deep distortion in my mind. This made me see all the bad things in people, even those whom don’t really hurt, like double Ss, I shouted and kicked so bad, not because she bugged me as much as I was trying to prove to myself I’m still on track and I do make a difference. So yeah my brain is officially fired.
For a week now and I cant sleep at night, I don’t know whats on my mind, I just cant focus on anything no more, if simple as sleeping I cant do, I think you can imagine how my day goes like. I hate this feeling of being stupid distracted with no good comebacks to friends or professors. Yeah and adding to all of that, I think this is the exact time where it hit me the most. McKenzie was having a seminar on campus and the collage sent messages to everyone to attend on Thursday a five hour seminar. So during the presentation and just before the workshop ended they asked us all to leave except for the selected 14. so now two things bug me here, one is that why didn’t I know about it, and why is our university so messed up to send everyone an open invite when it was for specific people. So from that day forth and I haven’t been myself. Something’s gone wrong with me.. its like I feel all the hate around me. And its like I’m caving into this shell of FUCK OFF I HATE YOU kinda personality..
I guess when one brick falls off the wall it makes me want to bring the whole wall down and make a better and stronger one, but eventually I just leave it broken in the end. You know that feel when you know its alright to cry? You start to remember some old shit that hurt you, well I guess I’m in that sort of phase I guess.Well I guess its just the wrong things at the wrong times, or it could be global warming.,. I mean hey everyone blames it ..so why cant i? thank you, now you can go!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Beauty killed the beast

Though I own this world and move it with the tip of my right hand’s pointer, I still feel empty and hallow inside. All those lonely nights still haven’t touched my heart with that blessing inspiration. Nights tend to seem like they fail to end when you’re alone, don’t they? I sometimes gaze into that unbounded sky and wish upon a star.
“oh star up high in that clear infinite heaven above, bless me… bless my heart and let me feel again”

For the first night in a thousand nights, she winked back at me and spoke. I got a hint for its little twinkle and rested to sleep with a heart filled with warmth on that cold night.
I had a smile plastered on my face that night. The cool breeze was touching my skin and assuring me that it was that last of my forlorn nights. I hugged my coverlet even tighter and reminisced on my mothers love on nights like this. Nights I never could have enough of.

Now before you go on reading this little brain dance of mine you should know…you should know that it will crush your heart with a shiver and make you feel that little thing you lost some while ago. Tonight as you read, I’ll help you find something the whole world is looking for. And if you reach the end without that jewel shining on your thrown, I promise that this post will be that last that wastes your time.
-hold me to it.

It’s a story about a prince, or a king perhaps. A king that sits on his rightful thrown. He wasn’t cruel nor was he mean, actually a record of him abusing his rank was never found, in short, he was an “Arthur”.

Everything I could wish for was just right there. It was like nothing was misplaced nor would be for a very long time yet to come. Though I am worth the whole universe with thoughts, but still my pockets seemed always to have dust in them; yet I never complained. I walked those endless streets late at night when nothing could calm my sickness but a cool breeze and a whisper of the ocean hauling me a message from a mother… a mother I’ve lost a lifetime ago. I sit and speak to my brain for so very long endless conversations. It seemed at a point of my life I had none but it to befriend; but yet complaining wasn’t my thing to show; it was just in my head; she understood me better then anyone had ever attempted to. I call her you…

However on that one particular night the moon didn’t show as it promised last month.
It was late at night and sleep failed to find its way to me. I sat behind a road that peeked on the ocean. And as I understood every tide that broke into shore,
listening to calmness, touching peacefulness, I start to hear cars screaming their wheels behind me… silence for a second when everything seemed to loose its life. Its like everything needed an hour to fall into place, everything dawdled in my mind, even the waves slow motioned for a second as they clashed to my feet. My heart had trenched for a splitting second. Engines were shouting on the road behind me. A scream breaks the pause of life… A girl shouted out “my family, my family… please someone help” My mother who died a long time ago gasped and shouted me to run. She was the ocean that stood quiet for a second before it splashed its final wave to shore. Something wanted me to go there and sprint to find you laying down in the crowd. The crash was fatal; no one could’ve survived. I saw fear in everyone’s eyes, little boys and men. I never knew anything about medicine nor how to treat a trauma. I held no degree from mankind what so ever. But life being the caring person she is taught me all there was to know. I slowly began to move the body away from the wreck. I was covered with your blood but still… I didn’t clash into old memories of my fainting from that red liquid called life within you.


For the next two days I didn’t feel any deferent then last week. I was just curious how you’ve been. I didn’t want a reward nor a pat on the shoulder, all I wanted to find was you getting better. I walked gradually as I entered your room. I didn’t want to disturb you as you got better. I saw your family around a bed and a dimmed light over your head... oh little princess. I knew then what I missed the most. It wasn’t a family to hold back my pain, no not that. It was love what I needed. Finally, life gave me that answer I longed for so badly. I needed love, simple as that.
I rested that box of chocolate and flowers on the chair and came closer to your bed to find you so pail. Even your lips had no colors. Your eyes were resting shut and a small blue bruise on your arm made you look so adorable that night. I touched your hand and moved my fingers across your arm till I touched it. I started to pull back all the memories of the first night we met. You were covered with red and yet I felt the need to kiss you so bad.

Now a week has passed by and you are getting better by the day. All the hospital attendee thought I was your brother…well its true in a way… I felt a connection before I ever met you.
“you seem fine, you have color back in your cheeks”
you smiled back at me with eyes locked into mine. Now I feel speechless, I have a thousand things to ask but nothing seems to agree on being the first to come out. I knew all my thoughts were shy from you but still I felt the need to talk with you.
“have you tried this chocolate? Its called ‘after eight’”
you smile back “yes, but I just couldn’t bare the thought of chocolate with mint inside”
okay so now you confused me and I haven’t the faintest idea what to tell you.. so I figure its best to shut up for the moment.

The next few days I do pretty much the same. Speak to my life and hear the whispers of the ocean telling me. I walked by that place we first met a thousand times. I just sit and stair how amazing this place was. How life decided is here where we meet. Fascinating how life works sometimes isn’t it? I mean she sometimes doesn’t give you all the answers at once. She keeps you puzzled to figure out those answers on your own. And her sidekick time always works perfectly. Now I believe super hero’s don’t just exist in comic magazines. No! I touched them, I felt them help me. My mother and sister, I love you so much.

I’ll stop here to allow you to be fascinated by these words for now. And I wont cancel this one. I have it all done in my head, I just need you to appreciate this feeling I want you to start looking for.

on a brighter note, you can enjoy old posts of mine on the same tempo as this...
here are the links

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Mi casa es su casa

Okay so now that I found this webcam I lost six years ago, I made good use of it. And allot been bugging me since I moved to this room and painted "my way".
So this post is dedication to Mona, Noufa, Sara, Shahd, and yasser. Well technically he didn’t bug me all that much, nor did he ask anything that fag! bas he better like it saki-outa-san!

Dont freak out if i got two beds, it suniversity regulations..

So here is my work place.. stacked all the books I was supposed to study
on the shelves, and on the desk is my art corner..

My latest creation inspired and dedicated to Shahd aka. "Double Ss"

Close up

Six fingers, well i had space i needed to fill out.. :S

The process

The result

Okay so now enough bragging about myself check out my room
The entrance from
the inside (DUH)

The carpet

The other bed I don’t use, AKA "the Guest corner!" now as the art part of the

if you look into the blue pin-board, you can find little pieces of paper brought together to make this painting i showed you earlier, so there you have it folks, i'm a fake!

My kitchen (part of the art part)

(problem is inno I wanted a close up but the webCam is hooked on the PC tower so I cant have that distance.. Mona, I won a Digi cam on ur blog, so where the hell is it? – plus shahd you promised ya mota5alifa!!)

My Blue post it

My Japanese table (where I study, eat, and unpack my bags)

OKay fine its not jap, but its feels like it when you sit!!
Gulf weekly is there! -jus to sound Sophisticated P~

Where I sleep and dream about you (notice the wall colors fairouza and
bamboo green)

My secrets

My window

(I can see the aramco hospital from here, the LandCruiser is inside aramco and the sedan is inside university grounds)

The coffee mug I could jus throw the other side to sarOona

Well that’s all for now, I hope you enjoyed the tour of my mansion. and hey, tune in next week. We have a tour scheduled around my naked body.. ADULTS ONLY!! –lol kiddin so don’t get ur hopes up!
Keep it safe!