"Someday By Nickelback"

"Someday"

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[Solo]

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when


[Thanks to nickelbackrocks@hotmail.com for these lyrics]

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Uncontainable love...

Love affairs...

It really is hard to talk about a feeling, I mean it has no stature you could start your admiration with, no smell no color no scene no touch, but you know its out there staring you right in the eye.
Funny how we describe love, isn’t it? We talk about it as a little child sometimes. And yet also shape and color it as mountains touching skies and rivers dancing through lands, sometimes even waterfalls symbol love almost perfectly.
People differ and agree to those symbolists depending on how they perceive them. Cause for one, loving your daughter is worlds apart from loving a friend, or a brother. But yet all those are love, they all revolve on wanting them to be happy.

Now again people differ on happiness. To some, it’s seeing the smiles light up their faces, and to others is being able to help them up as they fall, and the rest will just smile at you as you’ve fallen, just loving the feel of you standing once again back on your own. Feeling pompous that you can do it on your own, but still you adore the fact they are near you, even when they didn’t help. Its just that concerned look for a splitting second they had on their faces as you fell makes the whole world seem a better place. -Doesn’t it?

Also love is that lotion your rub your wounds with and make them feel like they never were, or it could leave a scar never to forget. It all depends on how you work that feeling you have for your partner in love. I for one am a person that cant tolerate my believes, yes its stubborn of me being that; but I just cant change cause all my life was built up on that foundation. Yes I do forgive, but I just can’t put a broken jar back on display. I’d cherish it, but the fact that it broke regardless of how or when… its just broken. Even if it broke in the process of loving me, I can’t go past the fact it intervened with my moment of rumble in spite of all those warning signs I put on the road.

Now picture this. I as whom ever I am feel this is true. What's mine is mine, and I share it only if the time was right. And if you pull on one end of the line forcing to share with me I’ll just pull even stronger to not give it away. I just can’t be forced into something I don’t believe in, regardless of how wrong I am. you just cant push yourself like that. It doesn’t work that way in my world. I told you I was stubborn, maybe even beyond that word is who I truly am. But i do let you in slowly; don’t push your self in my world as if you have all the answers to all my questions and troubles, you don’t know how to fix my world just yet. Take those baby steps with me.. -Why couldn’t you?

If I were a mechanic, and you were an artist, meaning we come from different worlds and beliefs you and I. and this machine I’m working on starts its rumble again, let me fix it on my own, I’ll share it with you eventually. It needs you to learn how to use it first, understand it. Like a sports car, every one knows how to drive on an empty road, but what happens when you face traffic, or even if you needed to take a hard right on the coming corner? You haven’t been trained to do that on my machine this soon.
I warned you that it breaks and asked you to stay away the first it broke around you, then I held your hand walking you through your second lesson and asked you to come closer behind that safety glass i call technology to observe how it gets fixed, how much time it needs how slow and steady it needs to run.. I was teaching you the second step in dealing with my machine. But like a child, you took a deep breath in and all you did was fill your self with confidence and forced your jump onto that driver’s seat thinking you are ready to deal with this gigantic mechanism of rage within me. Though I warned so many times not to do that but ignored all my signs and held my huge steering wheel with your little hands and your feet couldn’t even reach the breaks. Like a five year old, you rammed me into a wall, not knowing what all those buttons to your side were for, it was for your next step to learn how to use.. if only you’d waited bas shway kaman!!
-You broke me when I needed to show you how I function. You broke me when you were superfluous with courage and assurance that you can drive me to safety. I tried warning you, I gave you a way to observe me handle myself, but you abused your rank, your title, your power! Now the damage is done, its beyond repair. I saw you handle my machine, I felt you pushing down on the peddle till it screamed for you to stop, and without you knowing it’s the one next to it that you’re supposed to be approaching. I can’t do anything about it now, nor could you.

If you were my child and damaged my car with that love of proving your self to your father; I’d still grunt but love you the same only this time be cautious of you around my machine. But you are… a lover.. not a child.. and I cant handle your damage anymore.. I’ll love you like I promised I would, but on a different level this time. I’ll keep that broken urn inside of me, keep it safe in me and look into it whenever I miss its touch. But I can’t work with it anymore. It’s far beyond repair now. And I keep it, for one sole reason;

"That it be, it tried not to hurt, but fix me..."

Two faces I can never forget (1)

Somewhere back in time,
Somewhere when reality and fantasy collide to become one
i used to have a dream
a dream I am ready to share

The wind is cool outside, its almost deep blue all over the skies; you could almost see the moon resting next to the new day’s sun. it was when you feel warm inside and feel the breeze knocking on your window waiting for you to play. She was six years old when all that happened. A child so divine and thought all was fine.

She used to run with joy all around the house, knocking on all the doors and shouting”C’mon Sleepy heads, Get up get uppp…!”. It was a weekend that day, and fueled with energy she was that dreadful day. She ran into her father’s bedroom and placed a little kiss on his cheek that morning, that awful morning. She whispered into his ears, “Daddy I love you” she saw him cracking a smile on his trenched out face signaling a conformation to his beloved child. She gave off a small giggle and as he reached to her little arm to kiss, she gave off an angelic chuckle as she danced with joy out that door.

Now she runs with morning tunes hummed out her little lips when she cruised around where she called home. She finds her baby brothers room, silently she smiles as she slowly opens the door. She didn’t want to wake her mother nor her beloved brother, not knowing it’s the last day for smiles to come around this happy home. Wrapped up with love her baby brother was that morning, when it was cold outside and warm in their hearts, her mother welcomes her with a morning smile and waves to her 'come closer'.


UPDATE!!

Now as the day started with a little girls pure spirit of rain, she awaits her family at the kitchen table. She fixes up herself a bowl of cereal and looks out the window as the little bits of food crunch under her baby teeth. She looks beyond her reflection on the window and wishes secretly that all coming days will be just the same.

She spots a deer, it’s the first she’d ever seen all those long months of winter. “Spring is here, its here…” she shouts and looks behind her as she point to the deer outside. Her mother smiles and starts to remember that promise she made to her daughter as she storied her to sleep one cold night. “Is dad taking me hunting today?” she asks with a smile plastered on her little face. “Yes, I guess its time, now run to the closet and put on your yellow rain coat Mona!” Dancing with a heart filled with love and happiness Mona was this morning.

Now her father comes down the stairs and looks bluntly at the mother secretly telling her “but she’s too young!”. She smiles back knowing what his eyes had to say. “C’mon Mona, before the sun comes up too high” she’s right behind him ready willing and able. She pulls on his coat signaling that its him everyone is waiting for. Now Mona’s father looks at his wife and tells her that since its her idea to let them out this early, its only fair if she made them a picnic set for all the family to enjoy at lunch time. She laughs so hard and excuses with Ibrahim might catch a cold this early time of spring. After this little push and pull of thoughts they settle that only this time Mona get the glory on her own.

She and her father left home and saw her mother wave at them with love warming the air around Mona. She could never forget that face of her mother waving at them with a smile from the house’s porch. Now as they enter the woods, the lesson starts.

You could have a thousand thoughts of why couldn’t she forget her mothers face, but will never guess what happened. Yes it was the last she ever smiled as she waved at her husband and child…. But still you won’t ever guess what went wrong... or right!!

On a scale from one to ten, let me know how much are you into knowing what went on next?

Contemplating on contemplation…

Repulsion:
It’s a lost feeling of love or likening, maybe more, but for a fact its loss of attraction. It doesn’t mean it’s all gone and had wasted away, attraction is still there but it’s too small for it being noticed. Usually this feeling hits you when you’re on the verge of going insane for someone or something. It’s been said before, that being a genius is just a small push away from being insane. So there you have it, repulsion and attraction both revolve on the same “wheel of attraction” and both are so close to one another almost forming a circle of their own. But being able to just stay on the ultimately high and safe side of the attraction side of the wheel is harder then you imagine can be done. It’s a feeling uncontrolled by your mind though you try ever so hard convincing your self that you are in control while deep down in your mind you know none of this is true. It’s more like a plane soaring over clouds and a small turbulence in the air could blow you heading straight to the gravity sucking you down under.

It’s always when everything runs smoothly in your life you find the unexpected waiting for you to feel comfortable till it’s the perfict timing for it to smack right in the face. It’s like she, uncertainty, enjoys the surprised look on your face as she comes when you least expect it. She’s addicted to that flow of adrenalin you pump in the last minute to save your crashing plane from certain destruction. Though she’s mean sometimes but she isn’t a total bitch. She sometimes opens your eyes to some things you’ve been missing for so long and had no idea what exactly were they till then. See, she also helps you realize sometimes where you stand in life. How people see you, feel you, and understand you. But again, it might just be the adrenalin flow what turns her on and not the consequences that follow.

I for one believed for so long, and still do, that what ever comes barging in your life, no matter how bad or good it may be, it is there to teach you more about life. True you can’t live long enough to learn from mistakes, but sometimes you need to fall on your knee and budge it out of place to truly appreciate what life brings to you next.

Now on a more intense note;
You, as only being human sometimes find your self drifting with the flow of things around you. Intentionally or irrationally, you try to express your feelings and thoughts in a way of body language and actions sometimes, which only makes you think of today and nothing of what tomorrow has up its sleeve for you. Sometimes friendship, love-ship, brotherhood, childhood, what ever it maybe, you are in a course of a relationship, and this relationship sometimes demands its feelings, forces you into some twists and curves that could turn your life around.

Still you agree with me? Good. During this course of relationship sometimes you excuse your self into opening different doors of knowledge or experience for example. Things you never tried how they felt like before in your life and only heard so much about. Still I haven’t gotten to the part of right and wrong / good or bad just yet. But say when in love you offer more then you can sometimes, in terms of your brain, time, and heart. Friendship comes with a few demands too. But being in a relationship that never existed on any level of society here or there is just sick on its own. It’s your actions that define who you are, not your thoughts or how you feel about something or someone, actions classify where you stand among breathing creatures.

If I’m in love I might have sex, if we’re friends we’d make out, if we’re brothers we’d hug, but if I don’t know you and nothing blends us together in the same mix of some kind of relationship or livelihood, why should I take your number, why should I offer you more then a smile and a handshake, or even worse, why should I be spending my time and energy hanging around you when I know that everything about you disgusts me?

Yes love is blind, and sometimes it gets the best of us, but you feel it and I feel it too. This I’m talking about was nothing even close to a rational relationship, love, admiration, or even as small as attraction. That relation was more like fungus growing between your toes!

I don’t judge because I myself don’t like being judged not even by family or friends. What's done is done. No one living on this earth or any other planet has the right to judge me or you, if god only judges you when you’re dead, so what gives us the right to do so? But even though it’s neither a judgment nor a ruling, a scar is there, right beside your name. Now even though some excuses are more acceptable than others like “the heat of the moment” or “I was blinded by love” or “confusion got the best of me” which ultimately happens once or twice in the course of a relationship just for the “know how” of the new things introduced to us by our partner, but that’s it, after that rumble of feelings, that ache for experience, you know and are sure of how you carry on from there. But carrying on for over a year doing the same repulsive act over and over again when no true feelings were there from the start is just plain idiotic. Though they scar you for life but if there were feelings of love flourishing in the air, aroma of that sweet body you hugged and kissed so many times you know then deep inside of you that you won’t regret having that experience from that someone you trusted, liked, or loved so very much. Even sometimes if it were abusing your right as a lover, it’s all forgiven and forgotten as long as there was a feeling of pure sinless pleasure covering up all your doing under a pink coverlet called love!

I don’t know how to finish this post; I have too much to say and not enough words to translate my thoughts into sentences without hurting anymore. I guess I’ll finish it here.

Obligation

Sometimes it's something that we like doing, something we always fancied of creating. Well until one day someone asks you to do that thing you love so much. And make your pinkish dream go hazy, and a flock of big black birds start to show on the horizon, black clouds filled with thunder start shimmering in your head.


Well, on a brighter note, I'm not a social person all that much, I mean I sometimes, but I just hate it when people start telling me what to do with my life or how to fix an obvious problem. God that goes double when I just try to vent out and really am not interested with the solution proposed.
What's that you say? Am I too hard to get along with? Well guess what, you just won the jackpot.

Another thing about obligation, friendship is one. Sometimes when you have that friend that once on an intimate moment opens his heart and spills his guts to you. Now without saying a word, you know you are obligated to making him feel better, also not to breath as much of a word to anyone about that little thorn in your friends foot.
Sometimes even if you decide you don’t want to be friends no more, you cant help but feel you are obligated to pull him through his time of hardship, and that goes double if you were related!

Obligation is something we don’t choose, its something thrown at us, we feel it so heavy no matter how much we enjoy it. Like if your father gave you a real kick ass amount of money and goes, get me something stylish, something that says me.. well obligation kicks you right in the ass. You would make a thousand better choices if you were on your own, but now that its obligated, dictated and responsibility overthrown to your face. You just cant do it no more!

Another thing about obligation. It makes you look bad when you're not up to it. Like tonight we had two meetings with two groups of two deferent projects. yep you guessed it, no one showed up! Was it a choice, or was it the obligation that made them run frightened like little ducks covered with yellow colors of being scared..

Okay so this is just another brain fart, not even venting out, really you seem to like waiting your time with my crappy life!!
Okay I rest my case now, I'm distracted beyond man kind has ever been to, some might know and others might have no clue. But I promise you, I'll do my best to being more interesting next time… I'm sorry I made you read this… okay I'll shut up now!