Uncontainable love...

Love affairs...

It really is hard to talk about a feeling, I mean it has no stature you could start your admiration with, no smell no color no scene no touch, but you know its out there staring you right in the eye.
Funny how we describe love, isn’t it? We talk about it as a little child sometimes. And yet also shape and color it as mountains touching skies and rivers dancing through lands, sometimes even waterfalls symbol love almost perfectly.
People differ and agree to those symbolists depending on how they perceive them. Cause for one, loving your daughter is worlds apart from loving a friend, or a brother. But yet all those are love, they all revolve on wanting them to be happy.

Now again people differ on happiness. To some, it’s seeing the smiles light up their faces, and to others is being able to help them up as they fall, and the rest will just smile at you as you’ve fallen, just loving the feel of you standing once again back on your own. Feeling pompous that you can do it on your own, but still you adore the fact they are near you, even when they didn’t help. Its just that concerned look for a splitting second they had on their faces as you fell makes the whole world seem a better place. -Doesn’t it?

Also love is that lotion your rub your wounds with and make them feel like they never were, or it could leave a scar never to forget. It all depends on how you work that feeling you have for your partner in love. I for one am a person that cant tolerate my believes, yes its stubborn of me being that; but I just cant change cause all my life was built up on that foundation. Yes I do forgive, but I just can’t put a broken jar back on display. I’d cherish it, but the fact that it broke regardless of how or when… its just broken. Even if it broke in the process of loving me, I can’t go past the fact it intervened with my moment of rumble in spite of all those warning signs I put on the road.

Now picture this. I as whom ever I am feel this is true. What's mine is mine, and I share it only if the time was right. And if you pull on one end of the line forcing to share with me I’ll just pull even stronger to not give it away. I just can’t be forced into something I don’t believe in, regardless of how wrong I am. you just cant push yourself like that. It doesn’t work that way in my world. I told you I was stubborn, maybe even beyond that word is who I truly am. But i do let you in slowly; don’t push your self in my world as if you have all the answers to all my questions and troubles, you don’t know how to fix my world just yet. Take those baby steps with me.. -Why couldn’t you?

If I were a mechanic, and you were an artist, meaning we come from different worlds and beliefs you and I. and this machine I’m working on starts its rumble again, let me fix it on my own, I’ll share it with you eventually. It needs you to learn how to use it first, understand it. Like a sports car, every one knows how to drive on an empty road, but what happens when you face traffic, or even if you needed to take a hard right on the coming corner? You haven’t been trained to do that on my machine this soon.
I warned you that it breaks and asked you to stay away the first it broke around you, then I held your hand walking you through your second lesson and asked you to come closer behind that safety glass i call technology to observe how it gets fixed, how much time it needs how slow and steady it needs to run.. I was teaching you the second step in dealing with my machine. But like a child, you took a deep breath in and all you did was fill your self with confidence and forced your jump onto that driver’s seat thinking you are ready to deal with this gigantic mechanism of rage within me. Though I warned so many times not to do that but ignored all my signs and held my huge steering wheel with your little hands and your feet couldn’t even reach the breaks. Like a five year old, you rammed me into a wall, not knowing what all those buttons to your side were for, it was for your next step to learn how to use.. if only you’d waited bas shway kaman!!
-You broke me when I needed to show you how I function. You broke me when you were superfluous with courage and assurance that you can drive me to safety. I tried warning you, I gave you a way to observe me handle myself, but you abused your rank, your title, your power! Now the damage is done, its beyond repair. I saw you handle my machine, I felt you pushing down on the peddle till it screamed for you to stop, and without you knowing it’s the one next to it that you’re supposed to be approaching. I can’t do anything about it now, nor could you.

If you were my child and damaged my car with that love of proving your self to your father; I’d still grunt but love you the same only this time be cautious of you around my machine. But you are… a lover.. not a child.. and I cant handle your damage anymore.. I’ll love you like I promised I would, but on a different level this time. I’ll keep that broken urn inside of me, keep it safe in me and look into it whenever I miss its touch. But I can’t work with it anymore. It’s far beyond repair now. And I keep it, for one sole reason;

"That it be, it tried not to hurt, but fix me..."