Sade' ... 1 of 8 (Why?)
PS: the characters here are completely from my head. if u think you know who i am talking about, well sorry to burst ur bubble this soon.. but please do enjoy the read
Taking a side if it were right or wrong,
I usually never say I am sorry for what I had done.
I've lived knowing a single word cant undo a thing so strong
I work for my apology and now this epic has begun.
I understand the way you read, how slowly you walk throughout the words. Though you've never actually understood a hidden detail. So here, I wont hide you secret words or meanings, I'll speak bluntly.. I'll try to make it as the lyrics you understand the most.
I'll begin from the start to make you understand my epic of destroying you.
Slowly.... begin to read
Now, I do not hate you, nor do I repulse the thought that you are alive. I think I feel numb towards you.
Ever since you came into my life there was something I knew I had to be afraid of. Its not that ur a bad person, but sometimes you do stuff that put a flag on you. But before we began walking together down the road of love and affection, I told you the only thing I ask of someone i bring close to my heart, that is to be honest with me. Give me closure as it ends. And when the waves of emotions and vast seas of love become dead. Tell me and don’t pull me down the stream where nothing runs there anymore but me, being pulled over pebbles of rock and stone that scratch my back to bleed. – and I told you that cos I usually revenge myself when I feel impaired. But you didn’t care, or were too afraid..
Now I'll take off the devils costume for the rest of the post. I've hurt one person before and I know its not so self soothing like everyone would imagine.
Go back in time, draw urself a smile sheneequa ..
Try and remember the first time we met.. take a deep breath and feel my hands run on your cheeks, my thumbs feel your eyebrows and my eyes smile speaking "I love you" locked at yours.
Taking a side if it were right or wrong,
I usually never say I am sorry for what I had done.
I've lived knowing a single word cant undo a thing so strong
I work for my apology and now this epic has begun.
I understand the way you read, how slowly you walk throughout the words. Though you've never actually understood a hidden detail. So here, I wont hide you secret words or meanings, I'll speak bluntly.. I'll try to make it as the lyrics you understand the most.
Believe me I take no pleasure putting this effort in here.
I'll begin from the start to make you understand my epic of destroying you.
Slowly.... begin to read
Now, I do not hate you, nor do I repulse the thought that you are alive. I think I feel numb towards you.
Ever since you came into my life there was something I knew I had to be afraid of. Its not that ur a bad person, but sometimes you do stuff that put a flag on you. But before we began walking together down the road of love and affection, I told you the only thing I ask of someone i bring close to my heart, that is to be honest with me. Give me closure as it ends. And when the waves of emotions and vast seas of love become dead. Tell me and don’t pull me down the stream where nothing runs there anymore but me, being pulled over pebbles of rock and stone that scratch my back to bleed. – and I told you that cos I usually revenge myself when I feel impaired. But you didn’t care, or were too afraid..
go on, read more, u'll see where I stand
I never did like someone to fool me with anything. No matter how small it was. I told you we had two strikes as we began and the third would harm you so bad. Even if you started cheating or deceiving, be honest and it wont be a "strike three". Though it would hurt for a while, but honesty would wipe it all away. –you deceived me for over a moth. And it was time to strike back.
I'd still like to believe something about us was true.
There was a point in my life when I believed you. I don’t know how you did that, but it happened that I trusted you. I told you everything I there was about me. All the good and bad, I even told you how noura and I got together. That’s how much I trusted you. I even hated R for the love of you. I took noura's book back from her, when now I really try to understand why I did what I did. – you do remember that I even comforted you by telling you that you wont feel jealousy nor envy towards her after ur meet. But what you answered me back with, Was it true? – I guess I'll never know
I kept pulling back away from you and you kept pulling me back in. why? Did you really feel anything? You see now, I cant tell lies from truthful facts anymore. Its been imprinted in my head that you don’t even stop to think for a lie, its more of a habbit that you've masterd so well, you forgot what is true in you anymroe. and now, niether do I.
I never did like someone to fool me with anything. No matter how small it was. I told you we had two strikes as we began and the third would harm you so bad. Even if you started cheating or deceiving, be honest and it wont be a "strike three". Though it would hurt for a while, but honesty would wipe it all away. –you deceived me for over a moth. And it was time to strike back.
I'd still like to believe something about us was true.
There was a point in my life when I believed you. I don’t know how you did that, but it happened that I trusted you. I told you everything I there was about me. All the good and bad, I even told you how noura and I got together. That’s how much I trusted you. I even hated R for the love of you. I took noura's book back from her, when now I really try to understand why I did what I did. – you do remember that I even comforted you by telling you that you wont feel jealousy nor envy towards her after ur meet. But what you answered me back with, Was it true? – I guess I'll never know
I kept pulling back away from you and you kept pulling me back in. why? Did you really feel anything? You see now, I cant tell lies from truthful facts anymore. Its been imprinted in my head that you don’t even stop to think for a lie, its more of a habbit that you've masterd so well, you forgot what is true in you anymroe. and now, niether do I.
I didn’t like "BottleHead", cos she lied more than once. And it wasn’t because our meet the other day, but was on that same very night.. she lied and I cant bare a lying person in my life. – you do remember how I hated her guts and still do.
****
Enough of these thoughts rambling in my head, let me tell you what really made me want you to never smile a day in your life again.
I specifically asked you to tell me when the joke was over. You didn’t.I knew since this year began we were over. I gave you, on my count, five chances to come clean, but you never did.
I've always been one step ahead of you.. allow me to demonstrate
41 days from clash:
When you first vanished on new years and scratched my name off ur title. I knew by then all you had to do is come and tell me "we're done", for the love i had for you, I wanted to give you the chance to walk away without a diss.. but you insisted on playing around.
38 days from clash:
Remember the post where I apologized for intervening "changing ur plans in life" then stated that we both knew we were on a short run?
That’s why when you asked me to remove it from the post I never did. I was just waiting for your guts to speak it. But you insisted on telling me you smelled my scent on your pillows everyday, when actually you were back with a Mondo.
33 days from clash:
Remember that text i sent when dyke's mum, came late at night and you had your phone off till three in the am. I said in it, "even if it were betrayals, I don’t mind, just include me in ur life."
I added the word betrayal but you never commented on it. I knew it was true for a fact by then. I sat and shut up to see what would come next.
18 days from clash:
Remember when I told you about my sister and her honesty? I said I didnt care how bad you were, just be honest with me.
I made the "beating her up" bit for you to come out of ur closet. I knew you had mondo back, I just needed you to tell me about it.
3 days from clash:
Remember when I text you on lunch time "She promised I would be her only one. She promised to never stop thinking of me. She she'd keep her video cam up for me to watch her sleep. I am not that person she kept her promises to."
I added the webcam part three days before I found out for real, and it wasn’t me whom you kept ur promises to, confession came to hand.. again steps ahead of you
One day from clash:
Remember when I asked you " are we or are we not"? U insisted me on being next to you by telling me "YES WE ARE".. and that you wanted me to fix you and called me a jerk for walking away… that’s when I decided it was ur final draw.
The point is, you had too many chances to come clean, but insisted on me destroying you.. and well here I am. I told you I'd wipe the smile off you forever didn’t i? well we'll have to wait and see.
Yeah I forgot one. Remember when I told you if you step on me I bite back. That was when you went on ur first hoodeny.. count your steps and scale my bites
They've always said "it only gets worse before things get better.."
The worse is almost over now. Come by in a couple of days, and I promise bring back a smile to you..
****
Enough of these thoughts rambling in my head, let me tell you what really made me want you to never smile a day in your life again.
I specifically asked you to tell me when the joke was over. You didn’t.I knew since this year began we were over. I gave you, on my count, five chances to come clean, but you never did.
I've always been one step ahead of you.. allow me to demonstrate
41 days from clash:
When you first vanished on new years and scratched my name off ur title. I knew by then all you had to do is come and tell me "we're done", for the love i had for you, I wanted to give you the chance to walk away without a diss.. but you insisted on playing around.
38 days from clash:
Remember the post where I apologized for intervening "changing ur plans in life" then stated that we both knew we were on a short run?
That’s why when you asked me to remove it from the post I never did. I was just waiting for your guts to speak it. But you insisted on telling me you smelled my scent on your pillows everyday, when actually you were back with a Mondo.
33 days from clash:
Remember that text i sent when dyke's mum, came late at night and you had your phone off till three in the am. I said in it, "even if it were betrayals, I don’t mind, just include me in ur life."
I added the word betrayal but you never commented on it. I knew it was true for a fact by then. I sat and shut up to see what would come next.
18 days from clash:
Remember when I told you about my sister and her honesty? I said I didnt care how bad you were, just be honest with me.
I made the "beating her up" bit for you to come out of ur closet. I knew you had mondo back, I just needed you to tell me about it.
3 days from clash:
Remember when I text you on lunch time "She promised I would be her only one. She promised to never stop thinking of me. She she'd keep her video cam up for me to watch her sleep. I am not that person she kept her promises to."
I added the webcam part three days before I found out for real, and it wasn’t me whom you kept ur promises to, confession came to hand.. again steps ahead of you
One day from clash:
Remember when I asked you " are we or are we not"? U insisted me on being next to you by telling me "YES WE ARE".. and that you wanted me to fix you and called me a jerk for walking away… that’s when I decided it was ur final draw.
The point is, you had too many chances to come clean, but insisted on me destroying you.. and well here I am. I told you I'd wipe the smile off you forever didn’t i? well we'll have to wait and see.
Yeah I forgot one. Remember when I told you if you step on me I bite back. That was when you went on ur first hoodeny.. count your steps and scale my bites
They've always said "it only gets worse before things get better.."
The worse is almost over now. Come by in a couple of days, and I promise bring back a smile to you..
DONE!
****
****
NEXT UPDATE
Now I'll take off the devils costume for the rest of the post. I've hurt one person before and I know its not so self soothing like everyone would imagine.
Go back in time, draw urself a smile sheneequa ..
Try and remember the first time we met.. take a deep breath and feel my hands run on your cheeks, my thumbs feel your eyebrows and my eyes smile speaking "I love you" locked at yours.
8 Comments:
you told me to be honest. I tend to be frankly blunt. i hope you don't mind :D
I got the feeling that the wound in you is very very deep and FRESH, considering you had the number of days before clashing, which to me it means that it was very very strong what you had or thought you had.
i also got the feeling that you tried your best and there's acid eating within you (tell me if i am mistaken).
If i were that girl, i would be feeling so so low, feeling guilty feeling idiotic and stupid and lost. she would be very idiotic if not a nerve got to her, if she actually reads this.
feelings that i also got is that you are fed up and at the same time hopeless with her and very much dissapointed (tell me again if mistaken)
will read again like tomorrow because i might get other feelings that didn't hit me now when reading.
hey thank you for comenting. so i guess great! the feelings are clear in here.
i'm not burning with acid at the moment, i heal fast i guess, all i needed was good company..
i will continue the remaining Sade' posts.. i will expose some stuff i dontthink anyone knows about. well not to hurt her or anything. i'm more of evaluating the happenings and its more like having abroader view of life.. something i could understand better if i got out of my chest i guess.
keep comin, and hope school kicked ass today! ;)
That'll teach her and others not to play with you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
no sade', its not for me now, its for a better you
Read it again and got the same initial feelings. but with the eye of no acid in you. So i guess more numbness??
U really do give everything.I know how that feels.Its better to be numb than to feel anything..Leo,u have been very open with us,that cant be easy.Thank u for sharing.
Shit ! i hate that feeling - i have a similar post in my blog, actually i think it was my first post. ...
That's how i started blogging.
Tell her not to mess with ya again!
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